Thursday 4 April 2024

It doesn't feel OK today


Sophie had her bodywork appointment last week. Interestingly, after all my concerns about the saddle, she's not actually sore in a way that relates to saddle fit, tack, or rider. After being so hyper focused on tack and correct work for the pony it’s felt a little weird to wrap my head around it not being that, probably it never has been that. If you press me I still don’t/won’t feel confident about that saddle, but it seems we’ve moved on for now. 

The bad news is that whatever is going on isn’t magically resolving itself with a saddle fitting and massage appointment (or so far, time off). The good news is the vet was here and took a quick look and agreed we are looking at something hind end/back related and has a few things she’d like to investigate, none of which felt like anything I wanted to hear. Some of it felt quite scary, in fact.



 For now we do a bute trial, and Sophie stays out of work until the vet comes back. It wasn’t felt like it was necessary to trailer her over to the clinic now (it would be a long day in the trailer for a sore pony), but that is an option that’s available. I'll probably take her if she's feeling worse or I can't handle the not knowing. 

Of course we can go down the rabbit hole to infinity and wonder if the 'saddle fit issues' or the ulcers last summer or the weird quirky things she does or even why she’s always carried her tail to the left have all actually been caused or at least concurrent with something else…horses are nothing if not walking red flags. 

That being said, she’s bright and happy and sociable and is currently enjoying Head Lawnmower and Baby Pony Protector status.

It's dirty work, but someone has to do it.


It feels very indulgent to admit that this kind of just feels like the one more thing that's finally breaking me. While there are plenty of great things going on, from a riding my pony perspective the last year has felt like a series of setbacks between us both, and prior to that of course I was worried about scaling Bridget back to an appropriate level and keeping her hocks happy with minimal vet intervention. I’m just feeling tired and beat up and like it's been forever since I got to ride and enjoy my horses without any reservations.

Fingers crossed this is just a minor blip on the radar. I'll take feeling dumb about posting here being dramatic and overly worried in exchange for a sound and happy pony any day. But, I thought if anyone understands the stress and worry that comes with your horse not feeling themselves, it’s this community of bloggers and supporters (who I very much appreciate!)



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17 comments

  1. Oh dear. I totally get this. It’s so frustrating. Try to stay positive that it’s something that will resolve or be manageable.

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    1. Thank you. She seems a lot better today, so fingers crossed I've been panicking over nothing

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  2. Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope it is something easily treated. I definitely get the feeling.

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    1. Sometimes it feels like it's always something <3

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  3. Aw man, sorry to hear about this stress! Hopefully Sophie gets through it quickly

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    1. Thank you. Fingers crossed. She's a lot better this week so I'm hoping it's not as worrying as I thought

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  4. I feel for you. This sounds so frustrating especially given your issues with Bridget. Here's hoping it's a temporary blip that can be easily fixed. Hugs.

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    1. Fingers crossed I just need a little more patience and things will resolve. Thank you

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear this. You really have gone through the wringer with riding over the last year. Hoping for good news on Sophie soon.

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    1. Thank you! It hasn't been all bad, but I'm starting to wonder if luck is an actual thing lol

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  6. I am exactly where you are right now.. No advice but letting you know you aren't the only one with a undiagnosed something isn't right situation. Mines been going on since last Mayish. I feel like I'm losing my mind...

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    1. the vague not knowing how to help really stinks, especially horses where it feels like there could be a combination of things happening. Sending positive thoughts for good news for yours!

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  7. Yup, I can very much relate. Keeping horses is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes the unknowns are the hardest. Watching, waiting, wondering. There's not necessarily anything to do at the moment and much-anticipated plans go out the window or are put on hold. It is a difficult mind-space to sit with.

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    1. Yeah, if nothing else we learn to be adaptable!

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  8. I feel this with every fibre of my being. After I lost Maizey, admittedly, I lost a lot of interest in horses in general. I still love them, still care for them every day (twice a day usually haha), ensure their veterinary needs are met.... but I just... don't have that spark anymore like I used to. It's fucking HARD always battling SOMETHING with these animals and I have kind of made peace with the fact that I don't enjoy it as much as I used to and I'm not going to punish myself or make myself feel bad for not riding or brushing them as much or not focusing on shows or clinics...

    They get hand-walked, Annie was ridden before I became pregnant and is now going on pasture for the Summer since I won't be riding, they get apples and carrots and brushed when I have some extra time. They get blanketed when it's cold. Annie still gets her allergy shots. I trailer them to the grounds to run amok like crazys when I can.

    But yeah, my heart just isn't in it anymore and I feel your frustration and sadness with every part of me because it's hard and overwhelming.

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    1. Ugh, again I just can't believe that rotten luck you had. I think sometimes stepping back a little is the only healthy thing to do. I'm still in the "what on earth do I do now?" mindset. I have a few ideas but yeah they vary wildly between just taking a time out and going all in even harder and manifesting myself the riding horse I want. And neither feels 'right' yet....it probably feels sudden to say that on the blog, but it's been on my mind for a year or two now, with it feeling like an uphill battle for a few years now. Congrats again on your pregnancy, I'm beyond excited for you!

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    2. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, to be honest. I still do the things my horses need, but I just don't pressure myself anymore to be *more* (ie. clinics, lessons, etc). It's been a bit freeing that way, and part of me still longs for the "horse of my dreams". I'm sure the spark will come back - sometimes a reset is what's needed.

      Thank you!!! We're very excited!

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